wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
