TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
