I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
