your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
