How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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