just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
