Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
