Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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