People in love make me want to vomit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize