i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
