we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
