how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
