Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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