BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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