She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
