he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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