If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
