After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
