My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This baby is an asshole
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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