Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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