carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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