I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
