it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
