Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
