I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
