3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize