Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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