just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
True strength comes from lack of pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
