You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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