At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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