i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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