so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
