I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
