So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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