Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
