Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Panties = found
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
