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• (805): View more from California

  as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"

  (1-805): View more from California

  uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win

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• (347): View more from New York

  we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME

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• (949): View more from California

  He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him

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• (850): View more from Florida

  So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

  Fav 0 17 55

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