You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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