so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
