I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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