when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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