it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
