david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
