No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
