i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
