Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
