her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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