there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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