Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
