btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
