Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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