then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
