Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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