I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
