i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
