i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
