i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
