Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So vagazzling was a success
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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