i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
