you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
