And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I could fuck to npr.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize