Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
