I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
