census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
