K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
