he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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