Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize