im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
