We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
