If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
