I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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