there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
