I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
