if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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