Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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