Porn is love you can see.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
