still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
