you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
