you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
