It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
