I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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