I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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