What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
