There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Randomize
