two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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