That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
