I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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