McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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