You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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